I haven’t written on this blog since April. I will apologize for that from the bottom of my heart. Things have been .. well hectic. I always feel as if the universe thinks I’m specially equipped for the madness because that is all I ever seem to encounter. A part of me is grateful for being so resilient. Another part of me is just like enough is enough. Let me breathe! Due to circumstances not being fitting for the sanity of myself and my girlfriend, we moved. We made that move with our best interests at heart. While I have no regrets about it, having to start over is never a picnic. I am back on the job hunt and it’s not anything new to me but this time around, it’s so much harder and frustrating. I seem to keep getting doors slammed in my face symbolically speaking and getting false hope just to have it snatched from my fingertips. I am a person who does not know how to stay still. It’s never been in my nature even as a child. (I’m sure my mother would humor you all with stories about that.) I also am a prideful human being and want to feel like I’m contributing. I love taking care of my significant other and our family but these days, I feel like I’m not. I struggle to get out of bed most days and to even do the most mundane of household tasks. I cry alone more than ever and I even find it difficult to focus when I’m meditating. Admitting to faults, flaws and weakness pains me even with writing this blog. However as I type these words out, I realize that I have to admit that I am also human. I don’t need to have it all together. I have all of the love and support I need, even more so. My girlfriend has done amazing to say the least in dealing with my ups and downs. I truly do applaud her for her patience and drive because she even has to deal with a crazy commute for her job. She still does it though day in and day out. I myself have even said that this is all lining us up for the bigger picture.
I think I’m focusing too much on the itsy bitsy details and not letting things flow. I’m beating myself up too hard over things I have no control over. I am doing all I can. I am trying which is so much more than just sitting and doing nothing. I need to hone in on the gratitude for leveling up even in the smallest of ways and allow that to make way for greater things.
This was so much more of a venting post than an updating you on what’s going on post. I feel that in writing down my thoughts and sharing my struggles, I’ll help someone and also maybe even get some help myself. Thank you for reading. Thank you for the support. I’m just thankful.
– writer from jersey
Writer From Jersey 