We have all had to deliver an apology to someone, whether it was willingly or needing to do so to keep the peace even if our pride was begging us not to. By nature, I always love to have the last word but alas, there are moments when I have to set my desires aside and just say “I’m sorry.” However, I have had to say those two words quite a few times at the expense of my inner peace, sanity and also my own dignity. That is not happening anymore and I will begin to delve further into why.
I am a people pleaser. I love putting a smile on a person’s face and making those I care about happy. While this may be an endearing trait to possess, it is also a source of many downfalls I have experienced throughout my life. I’ve discovered this has been one of the biggest reasons why I attract damaged individuals into my circle, relationship wise and friend wise. I am happy to say I am with someone now who recognizes this within herself as well and with that being said, we compliment each other perfectly. We are also both givers by nature so it is just a beautiful mutual exchange of give and take. But this blog post is not meant to speak on my relationship. It is for meant for “friends.”
Being a social person who is also getting older has me realizing that I am not with the shits meaning I no longer have time or patience to be apologetic to those who just flat out do not accept me as a person, any aspect of my lifestyle or do not want to see me happy. I am not one to wish ill on anyone. We can be on the outs and everything yet I will never wish badly on you. However, you do have those who pretend to care about you yet the minute you are doing better than them in the slightest, they turn their nose up at you and tell you that you are acting different. People really come into their own when you leave them on their own. That statement definitely needs a rewind button. PEOPLE REALLY COME INTO THEIR OWN WHEN YOU LEAVE THEM ON THEIR OWN. I refuse to filter what I say anywhere, whether it is via text, social media or in person to anyone. Once you show you are not easily molded, influenced or moved by someone else’s expectations, you lose value and sentiment to them, You become disposable. You become replaceable. Last time I checked, friendship should not be that way. We may have our moments of distance or disagreement but if you genuinely call me “friend”, “sis” etc, an automatic understanding should be present. Reading between the lines is a bit of a specialty of mine so I can tell the difference between a sarcastic “Glad you’re doing good.” versus a heartfelt “I’m proud of you.”
I have taken a leaf out of my girlfriend, my cousin and my best friend’s books in that I am not making myself available to just anyone. There is loyalty even after weeks of not texting or talking on the phone to those who have shown in the time that we do speak that they are always present, even in the shadows. Withdrawing from certain company really tears off those blinders you wore in a crowded room.
Focusing more on my family, relationship, and future moves is my main concern. Anyone who is not like minded, understanding or simply against it needs to go. Years do not translate into loyalty, commitment or allegiance. I have learned that yet again in 2017 and promise to remind myself of that lesson not only in this year, but forever. I refuse to apologize for being an ever progressing human being just to suit the tastes of those who want to keep chewing on the same hard old gum. My appetite for more is far too great to dine at wobbly tables with mediocre company.
– Writer From Jersey