Feeling Numb or Evolving

It is without a doubt that I have changed drastically since the beginning of this year. I’ve had a person who I thought was going to be in my life forever walk away. I lost a friendship I thought would stand the test of time but apparently, we are on two different pages to the point that we cannot coexist as we always did. In both of these relationships I once had, I have not always been perfect. That I can admit freely and openly. I know I am not one to text or call as often anymore. I was not understanding to the reality of many things in my previous romantic involvement. I do know that I gave my all in my own capacity..and it still was not enough.

People always seem to want to hold you to a standard they themselves cannot uphold. I find myself guilty of this many times in my life. Like I will continue to reiterate, I am not perfect. I have flaws. However, I will not allow others to plant that poisonous seed of “you are not enough” in my subconscious. That is a huge mistake I made in my last long term relationship and it took me through hell and back to be myself again.

Will I apologize for not flinching when someone walks out of my life? No. Will I chase anyone who does not want to be chased? No. Will I place effort, time and energy into things that no longer serve a purpose? No.

I have done that too many times in my life. I am not getting any younger. At the age of 28, it is now that I am learning and putting into practice the art of letting go. I am relishing in the fact that I am evolving and not mistaking that for feeling numb. I am moving on and progressing into the next stage of this journey..whatever that may be.

– Writer From Jersey


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