It seems that with every single year, my circle of friends becomes smaller..and smaller…to nonexistent almost. I am by nature a social butterfly. I enjoy meeting new people and can spark up conversations with random strangers at bars/public places with ease. Many who have met me in my post high school years find it extremely hard to believe that I was a shy bookworm in my middle school/early high school years. I was almost voted “Most Shy” in middle school but that vote was given to my then best friend. However, I have my moments that I want to be left alone. I get into my antisocial mode and tune the world out. This often happens when I am depressed or stressed out. I still try to function and be social and basically be the best friend I can be to those that are near and dear to my heart.
Apparently, even that is not enough for some people.
I have come to the realization that you can only do your best, in your own capacity and to your own abilities. You can’t please everyone. Age old saying that rings true in many life situations. YOU deal with the consequences, obstacles, hurdles and high points life throws at you. Not your family, not your significant other, not your friends, YOU. So guess who you need to take care of first? YOU. While many will view that as being selfish, they won’t understand how many times you have sacrificed your feelings or sanity just to see a smile on your face. They can’t bring back the clock on all that time you invested in them. Memories and words cannot be erased from one’s mind. People won’t ever comprehend why you cancel dinner dates because you genuinely feel tired before you get ready in the slightest. They take it personal when you don’t text as much but fail to see that you have way too much on your mind and are too occupied with your thoughts to even remember sending a text. Plus, the phone works both ways and there is also social media. Take heed that we do live in a society that makes it 100000000000 times easier to communicate with people in various ways. Bottom line is, most individuals want it to be about them all of the time but won’t let go of that enthusiastically selfish attitude to think about others.
We are all adults. Adult life truly does not have free time like when we were in our childhood and adolescent years. We have obligations, priorities, bills. responsibilities, kids, and a million other lovely things that occupy our time and thoughts. While it is important to separate from those things and check up on our friends, we should not take it personal if a friend is not talking to us like they used to. Everyone is going through life at their own pace. Everyone is going through their shit. Try being understanding for a change.
I do not speak to many people on a daily basis anymore. It is not anything personal. It never will be anything personal. I am merely getting my shit together and separating myself from the world bit by bit because I have stretched myself too thin and I need to regroup and recharge. If anyone were to call themselves a real friend to me, they would understand. They would support me. Just as I would do for them.
- – Writer From Jersey