Having Faith

Faith is one thing I know I have lacked time and time again. I am human after all. I have my moments of triumph, defeat and of course those in between moments. Presently, I find myself unemployed once again. I notice for some reason, I am not having much luck with stable employment. I do admit some instances have been somewhat my fault due to me being picky but generally speaking, my luck has not been the greatest in that aspect. I wish I could afford to not work and stay home or go back to school but sadly, that is not the case with me. My parents both work but they have their own bills to pay, I have my own bills to pay and it is just not in the cards for me to not work. My own pride will not allow me to do so anyway. I enjoy having resources to be able to go out, pay my own way with things and to just have money for a rainy day if needed.

I have been on some interviews which have went very well. I am hoping to hear back from a major hospital in my area. Despite the fact that it is through a temp agency, I am sure that they won’t let go of a good person, Hospitals always need people to work for them. I am remaining surprisingly calm throughout all of this. Being that I have been at this point before, I have usually been a hot mess. I am truly embracing this period in time in which I am not doing anything for once. I have time to reflect on my next steps and also the recent emotional turmoil of my last breakup. I will confess I have been crying a lot these days. Shedding tears over a person who has stated themselves that they are not worth my tears, effort or thoughts. I have seriously evaluated said statement from this person and I am realizing that if the person alone cannot appreciate their own worth, what in the hell makes me think they were going to realize and appreciate mine in the first place? Funny how this revelation is taking place as I am typing this post.

Relationships have been an epic fail for me in the past 3-4 years and I am tired. I think it is about time I place my faith in something more worthwhile and with more permanence ; myself. I neglect myself so often to please others and make others happy. I act like I can’t function without having someone by my side when in retrospect, I have been living, breathing and progressing pretty well on my own. I am a lot stronger, independent and beautiful than I give myself credit for. I need to give myself daily wake up calls/reminders about who I am.

I just need to be my own best friend, first love, my own everything.

  • Writer From Jersey
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